nerves on the court

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
- Mitch Hedberg

So it's been a little more than a month since I've posted, but it hasn't been due to a lack of tennis playing. On the contrary, I've been playing quite a lot of tennis...and doing quite a lot of everything else in the interim (including an Urbanathlon...check out melissanavia.blogspot.com).

In terms of hours on the court, I've been spending approximately 4 hours on the court every week, made up of two lessons, one hour each, 1.5 hours of match play in a league, and give or take 30 minutes to an hour of play with friends. Starting next week, the goal is to increase that number to 6 hours on the court.

The league has been going, well...well. According to my coach, as well as me, I should be doing much better than my scores have been showing. He even watched one of my matches this past week through the viewing window (which didn't help my nerves) to figure out what exactly I was doing that was keeping me from winning every set in a league, he claims, where I should be winning every match rather easily. So he confirmed what we already knew - the strokes and level of play I exhibit in my lessons are far removed from what I deliver in a match. When I play, I not only get tentative on my shots, but I end up matching my opponent's level of play, thereby mitigating the potential of my game to beat hers. Suddenly I'm now pushing the ball over the net, playing it safe, waiting for her to commit an unforced error, rather than hitting a winner crosscourt or down the line. And of course, knowing what I should be doing becomes all too apparent eight shots into a rally, usually quickly followed by a ball hit way wide or slugged into the net.

Sure, it's definitely been some time since I last played competitively, about seven years, but by this point, after doing this for a month already, I should be a little more comfortable out there, right?

And the most irritating part is that I know exactly what I'm doing - getting tentative, just wanting to win each game by any shot, half-assed or not, possible - that's keeping me from improving my match play. But my coach told me something this past Tuesday that put it into perspective and that I think I'll put into practice wholeheartedly next time I'm on the court:

Would you rather win a set knowing that you used half of your potential to just get the ball over the net, thereby just kind of beating an opponent who doesn't train as much or is as good a player as you, or would you rather lose a set knowing that each shot you took was what you were capable of, some of which were the best winners you've hit all season?

I don't plan on my game plateauing at the 3.5 level. So yes, I think I will swing away the next time I'm out there. Win or lose, I can almost guarantee that I'll feel a lot better than I've been feeling after these last few matches. Beating someone who has trouble running down a ball or serving a respectable serve by a score of 7-5 shouldn't leave me relieved.

Relief is not a feeling I should be having at the end of these matches. What I should feel is great. I should feel like I just played an awesome match by my standards. I should feel like a tennis player that just keeps getting better.